Applying for Britain's Next Top Model
By Emily Lane
I've decided to pursue a dream of body consciousness, insecurity and petty criticisms so what better place to fuel my low self esteem than applying for the TV tumour that is Britain's Next Top Model! First of all, I need to check I'm even allowed to apply so let's check all 24 eligibility requirements.
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Immediately, my ambitions are up in the air. After reading the requirements, it has come to my attention that unless you are "5ft8in or above and aged 18 to 23 years of age at the time of application," you can't even consider applying let alone becoming a model. As a 5ft3in 17 year old, I'm gutted. I feel like I'm trying to meet the height requirements for a theme park ride. I was always slightly too short, so I was allocated the role of 'coat stand' for the day.
The other 23 requirements basically say that they are recording every conversation you have and you are required to speak your inner-most thoughts to make the show interesting. I think this is basically permission for people to rip into each others appearances to cause drama, which actually isn't too far off my high school experience already; maybe I can negotiate around the height restriction? |
To make sure I'm guaranteed a place on the next cycle, I have decided to take inspiration from a couple of successful applicants, Shaunagh Slattery and Martha Miller. When asked if they have a least favourite body feature, these humble and modest individuals say they have 'none.' In fact one of these women, Martha Miller, rips into other people's appearances instead and says that 'she finds it hard to talk to people with bad teeth.' Maybe the people with bad teeth find it hard to talk to Martha with her toxic ego problem. And do you remember the eligibility requirements from earlier, where you had to be 5ft8in or taller to apply? Clearly those very concise and specific rules don't apply to Shaunagh Slattery as she is a whopping 1 inch below the requirements so she obviously has an unfair disadvantage like me.
Even though the deadline for applications was March last year, it's better late than never. Although, surprisingly, most of the questions aren't about appearance. Most of them seem relatively irrelevant and somewhat invasive. Such as, "tell us a secret about yourself" and "who do you get on with least in your family and why?" I mean, you could just lie but the next question asks whether you answered truthfully otherwise you risk disqualification. As the aspiring Britain's next model, I can't lie I feel like I'm being blackmailed into giving these producers private information so they can capitalise off sensitive family drama that might be difficult to deal with. If these are the kind of questions the producers need to ask to make the show interesting, it's clearly a boring, uninspiring show that requires people to cry and scream in order to gain attention from our generation that consumes drama. James Charles would know.
In conclusion, please don't look to shows like Britain's Next Model to validate your identity. I may be 5 inches below the required height to be considered beautiful enough to apply, but what do these people know? They profit off other people's drama and heartache to stay relevant and they're going off air because of it. Spending an hour applying for a dead TV show instead of completing actual work is a colossal waste of time so please, do something productive with your life and do it with confidence.
Even though the deadline for applications was March last year, it's better late than never. Although, surprisingly, most of the questions aren't about appearance. Most of them seem relatively irrelevant and somewhat invasive. Such as, "tell us a secret about yourself" and "who do you get on with least in your family and why?" I mean, you could just lie but the next question asks whether you answered truthfully otherwise you risk disqualification. As the aspiring Britain's next model, I can't lie I feel like I'm being blackmailed into giving these producers private information so they can capitalise off sensitive family drama that might be difficult to deal with. If these are the kind of questions the producers need to ask to make the show interesting, it's clearly a boring, uninspiring show that requires people to cry and scream in order to gain attention from our generation that consumes drama. James Charles would know.
In conclusion, please don't look to shows like Britain's Next Model to validate your identity. I may be 5 inches below the required height to be considered beautiful enough to apply, but what do these people know? They profit off other people's drama and heartache to stay relevant and they're going off air because of it. Spending an hour applying for a dead TV show instead of completing actual work is a colossal waste of time so please, do something productive with your life and do it with confidence.